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A True Southerner

Or,  21 ways to tell if you are a true southerner.

Submitted by,  Kathy Savelio

* Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.  "She just pitched herself one more good hissie fit."

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* Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess. "I'd like a mess of them turnip greens"

 

* Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." "The files are in the cabinet over yonder"

* Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

* All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table. "I wanna give you some sugar mommy".

* All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

* Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

* Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

* Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

* No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

* A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

* Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

* Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

* Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

* True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

* True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

* Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

* When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ,"  you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

* Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea ndicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

* A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends you, you could be with 2 or 10.  The number doesn't matter.

* And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.