The Joke Page

Hind Lick Maneuver

    Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute, it is apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"  The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman turns blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

  
   The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breath again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heered of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

The Wedding Dress

   Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a
million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Are you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Sheila just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

Misplaced Suppository

    Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mable, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"  Mable answered, "I have?   A suppository?"   She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."